The first time I missed a Mosaic meeting, I remember my heavy, guilty heart apologizing to Phil for not being there. “I’m so sorry Phil for missing, we had another commitment.” I suppose my apology –while sincere on one level — came more out of my subconscious, the way I apologize for so many things without really thinking.
And I remember his strange response.
“Please don’t apologize for missing, Lacey. Our gathering was different because you weren’t there. But you do not need to apologize to me.”
I don’t think I really knew how to respond to him. He didn’t brush my words aside or comfort me. He kindly looked me straight in the eyes and meant what he said.
This was a beginning for me. A beginning of doing things not out of guilt, or thinking I’m supposed to, or I should do; but out of a place of I want to, or I’m so glad I get to.
I’m still on this journey. I still struggle with this every day. You’ll still see me…
- offer half-hearted apologies and words just because it’s what I’m supposed to say
- go to meetings or gatherings because I should
- serve with resentment and anger at those who aren’t there.
But on my good days, when I am spending time listening to God, I live out of these truths…
- I get to do these things?! Because God is healing and restoring me to a place of wholeness.
- I can feel compassion when others aren’t sharing in the journey with me because the journey is valuable and healing to me no matter what.
- I change the group when I’m there!? I matter. And everyone else in the room does, too.
- I can choose to make commitments that are in response to what God is doing in my life, and others may benefit from that.
- I can speak from a place of truth, offering what I think God says to us, rather than saying what I think others want to hear.
It’s a whole new world when I live in this space. I find freedom and grace and love. For myself, others and God.
Do you have any ‘have to’s’ or ‘should’s’ in your life? What would it look like if they became ‘I get to’s’ or ‘I choose to’s’? What would it take for you to engage with Mosaic 2.0 from a place of ‘I get to?’